This is a beautiful photo and I love it. A strong pose by a gorgeous model and well lit. BUT... why crop the top of the head? It changed it from what could be a classic photo to something that seems a bit amateurish. I think that you have real talent but need to stick to some of the classic compositional rules. By all means experiment but in this case let the image do the work and not the framing.
I make no bones about not being able to come anywhere close and hope you take this as it's meant - lots of luck.